Diary

A Welcome In The Hillside Boyo

 

Greetings my fellow ache's n pains . . . .

what was once a distant eagerly anticipated weekend away in the hill's of south Wales crept up on us and before you know it , it was done and dusted !

Friday arrived and i'm sure we were as excited as school boy's about to go spend there pocket money in a toy shop ! Mr Spesh ,Mr Goat were duly collected by Mr Soup as the posse moved off to rendezvous with Mr shorts & Mr Lefty. As planed they awaited at the named location and it was sat nav all the way , Mr Big having to follow up the rear with a late departure in the CiA wagon . A short stop in Buckingham to collect Mr Pro and M4 south Wales here we come ! !

NEWSFLASH - Mr Stella had already arrived and was apparently out checking several public houses and low and behold they supply the silly juice ! Mr Big checked in , bike collected and was on the chase . . .

Convoy building up a head of steam as the impressive but some what bloody expensive toll new Severn bridge loomed into sight, alas darkness was upon us so the dramatic change in scenery could not be seen as the convoy led by Mr Lefty headed into Newport to find the resting place for Mr Stella & Mr Pro. The sat nav working a treat as Cywwnnrrrrgghyyn flannelwuuzlostmate BB was found ( obviously pronounced with a throat of flem after swigging some milk ) you got the idea. Plans for a meet after the bulk of the crew had found coed Mangu mary & midge guest house in Cwn Carn. Mr Lefty getting cocky now offered us all the scenic route and the BB was found , with the clear night the mountain outlines could just be made out . Knock ! Knock ! the worried face of Harry Potter opened the door looking very nervy & sheepish " unless he'd been having one around the back ! who know's ! it's Wales after all BaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH stay still ! ! Lamsey. Mr Stark had decided to go into hozzy to have sheep removed from he's c..........! and the sleeping arrangements had gone AWOL ! Mr Lefty giving the poor lad the best of that Mancunian sarky wit as that warm welcome meant you wait and freeze your knackers off on the porch while i go off and panic ! ! All was settled . Mr shorts your having the put-U-up ! ! because he wears shorts so ner ! entering the house was like the heat that hit's when you step off a plane in tropical location ! bag's and kit arranged in rooms in a throw it in let's hit the pub styleee . Mr Stella & Pro opting for the Newport Pizza-hut as the crew found a watering hole called the Crosskeys and waited for Mr Big to roll into town . . .

With only a round under the belt Mr Big entered the saloon bar like Clint Eastwood looking for darn dirty gringos ! ! they were all sitting in the corner, with a pint of stella to quench the long journey it was time to eat as it was a cracking on for 10pm , the group was split half going for a chinky and the rest opting for a radioactive Indian ! ! this is gonna make for interesting smells after the arse pounding skyline ride ! Everybody tucked up nicely Mr shorts being Grilled like a kebab over night along with most of us, Mr spesh didn't heed the warning of Mr Big's apparent snoring problem , all soon became loud n clear and the decibels grew ever louder like a welly wearing wilderbeast shagging a kangaroo on a skateboard awakening Mr Goat on the floor above ! ! it was time to move house, being adjacent to the living room it seemed the only option made for interesting nights kip !

Day of the ride was upon us , 7.30am breakfast briefing , tog's on belly's full , kids dropped off at the pool it was all systems go Mr Stella & Mr Pro arriving to join the convoy led off by Mr Lefty and the ever trusty Merc airlines. Ooooooh them there hill's getting bigger as the M4 turned to A roads cutting into the welsh hill sides. Excitement building all the time as the Afan forest visitor centre could be seen on the valley floor, an impressive building it was to, not done justice by the write up . All kited up and food stores packed quick checks on the bikes locked and loaded it was time for a last photo call and the infamous SKYLINE was under way apparently not for pussy' s.The Reservoir Goats ! left to right > Mr Lefty , Mr spesh,Mr Big ,Mr Goat( with a halo ???) Mr Soup,Mr shorts,Mr Stella & Mr Pro

The first climb meandering up via switchbacks at a nice gentle warm your leg's up gradient but continued to climb up to where view become spectacular houses become monopoly size and your lungs have expanded as they try suck the air out of the sky. The Skyline had arrived with a mixture of pukka single track and fire roads some up some down sections being hindered by stop n squeeze through fence stiles i guess to keep the moto cross boys out ! Everybody still with smiles on faces quarter of the way in on this epic 46K ride. The new boy's Mr Big , Mr shorts & Mr Soup all looking impressed with what had passed so far , some amazing views and mental descents adding a little more spice to the ride along with the regulatory chorus of farting that always seems to accompany these rides ? medical explanation please ?. Far reaching fire tracks taking everybody up to heights never cycled before having dodged lorries it seemed the summit of the skyline was reached with views stretching for miles over to the black mountains covered in snow , and the Bristol channel off in the other distance. Bedding down in the grass for a well earned rest and some tucker as the troops all made the check in.

The mag's write up's being true to form this was a ride that must be done before i die , on wards and upwards after the break before hitting a tear arse fire road decent all that was short was a stately home being at the end of the long road , hitting speeds of well over 30mph everything came to halt as Mr Big decided to peel off and cut the last section off . The die hard troops carried on at a fare rate of knots as time was cracking on with the Excalibur & south pit making it half distance. Mr Big's short cut some how turned into an extra loop so he may have done the rest anyway ! ! as he should have met us at ' handy andy ! The next section was gonna test the most skilled rider at the best of times ' the grand canyon ' let alone those virgins to all this wales stuff .Twist and sharp turn switchbacks rocks n roots steep rock steps all waiting to make your bike pick up speed, your fore arms burning with brake dabbing before out of the woods and into pure loose rockbeds the size of mini footballs, best way over was to carry speed and loosen grip get off the saddle and on the pegs and just let the bike fly and take the pounding , being over cautious is a must not ! ! All troops accounted for and stories of how they made down.

Out onto the joyrider - most of the joy was starting to leak out of most riders as previous 40K had tried it's best to dampen one's spirits a short climb on fire track led to down hill that had the cold wind blowing head-on stopping any such relief and just when you thought all the climbing was over the b*stards send you up another long long fire track and the joy of seeing homebase fades once more. Last check point and all troops came trudging in Mr Soup collapsing in the grass wanting to go home to a warm bed with a lady of he's choice with lots of chocolate ! ! didn't we all . Around about this time the thought of tea and egg's on toast kick in ! ! off on the last 6k decent into home base . Mr Goat setting a searing pace with Mr spesh & Mr Lefty in close attendance , with everything hurting it was a matter of hang on for grim death and just go with the flow as speed picked up at every possible section of the decent , Mr Pro & Stella, shorts and soup all flying down at there own pace to the valley below , to knackered to whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-hoooooooooooooooo but an awesome adrenaline rush all the same before you know it 7hours in the saddle had gone , as had the day and Mr Big who we hoped would have the tea's in ?? but no sign. . . Mr Lefty turning into a cash point machine provided much needed refreshment as call's were made to Mr Big in lieu of calling out mountain rescue. Mr Soup finally connected ! " i'm about to hit the last decent exclaimed Mr Big " phew ! ! All awaited the big fella to come into sight as the applause rang out top notch Mr Big made it safe n sound if a little weary and leg's hurting . The new visitor centre was the absolute nut's , pukka views , excellent food , friendly staff, nice dog , hot showers to boot all in all the Skyline was conquered ! ! Mr Big hitting the ridge skyline get in ! !

Weary limbs climb on board transportation home for hot showers pre pints & food. It was gonna be a stonking night out on the town with Richie James ( no relation ) live on stage. The arse gas build up was reaching epic proportions reminiscent of the scene out of blazzin saddles ! ! as the crosskeys pub was hit by storm and operation stella kicked in to full swing , Mr spesh still smarting from the big scratch in the CiA mobile ! ! The lounge bar being full of bounty kitchen towel looking chicks got us thinking about moving on , Richie James ( no relation ) started to sing in a poor Tom jones style pub singer voice decide the issue as we all bundled the exit doorway . Tummies rumbling tales of the day still being told Mr spesh , Mr shorts Mr Stella & Pro decided it was time for food and left the party in full swing for those not riding the Sunday , somehow Mr Goat was overcome by beer and decided to stay on anyway no wonder the pilchard crashed the next day whilst almost at a standstill .

Sunday arrived everybody slept like log's and was up for a hearty Breakfast to kick start the day , Mr Lefty having to shoot off thus missing the Sunday Cwn Carn hoodlum ride of mass enjoyment. Mr Soup & Mr Big having to skip the ride two as they had frilly dress photo shoot planed for the morning with the local granny cake baking club. With provisions in the bag Cwn Carn was on the doorstep , time to get those stiff limbs into some working order as the hard core crew of Mr spesh , Mr Goat ( still drunk ) Mr Shorts , stella & Pro all headed off up the mountain trial. A climb that wandered through the tree's along the stream pitching up every so often to soften the blow on the legs. The single track eb's and flows as it climbs it's way up the hill side, some points following forest drive, a small road section before more single track leading to a short fire road climb to the summit on this stunningly sunny day . The summit being a rest break before cracking on over the hill top waste land ! ! boy was this section fantastic twist n turns as you gather speed banked corners around tree stumps meant for high speed full decending,eye's a streaming face's beaming ooooh yes. Levelling out again with a short climb before plummeting into the woods at a rate of knot's this single track was top class ! stiff ache's & pains all forgotten as the Adrenalin started to pump.

Another massive balls out decent before a concrete section made you hit you brakes good a place as eny to re group . The views were spectacularMr shorts ??? The following section took you around the mountain edge brushing the tree line before opening out to views of the towns in the valley below, no room for error on this section as the gauntlet was down Mr Goat looking slightly edgy as Mr spesh had to shave off the speed unknowing that Mr goat had some gay vertigo thing going on the POOF ! still he got me back as the route entered the downhill section back to base camp the troops arrived back beaming with smiles what a ride , what single track WOW a must do again ride . The cafe was open and was good to fuel up , wash the trusty steads all of which seemed to have no problems and coped well regardless of make or model. Before you know it the Welsh mountains were just hill's in the rear view mirror and the weekend was done , don't worry it'll soon be time to ride them hill's once more until then thanks to all for cracking weekend.

Mr Spesh